Spring Cleaning

You can take that however you want to, in consideration of today's Nooz

I bet all the other kids are writing Noozletters today about how Donald Jehosephat Trump got indicted today and is going to be marched off in handcuffs any day now, as all the other indictments want their moment in the spot light.

But not me.

No

Inspired by one of those “Spring Clean your Apartment in 10 Days” inspirational (aspirational?) emails, I present:

How to Spring Clean Your Home in 10 Days or Die Trying

Day 1: This is it! No more living in squalor! Fight back those dust bunnies that stick their little gritty hands out from under the bed, grabbing at your ankles when you stagger out of bed in the morning.

Oh…I haven’t had my coffee. First we will make coffee.

Now, it’s time for a nap.

Oh right…the dust bunnies: Set your shop vac to stun. Point under the bed and any other piece of furniture with clearance. Remove throw pillow from nozzle of shop vac,

Have a drinkie.

Day 2: Ever wonder what is outside your windows? Wonder no more! Today is the day! No more living in squalor! Fill a bucket with warm soapy water. Set outside for the deer. Pick up that novel you almost finished. Just one more chapter!

Have more coffee! You deserve it.

Now what was I doing?

Day 3: Trip over  the bucket outside the door, knocking it over. The steps are now clean! Huzzah! Mission accomplished! Take a load off your feet and have a drinkie. Maybe some cake.

Day 4: Has the moment arrived to give the bathroom a deep cleaning? (I think we covered this in another post.) Turn on the exhaust fan to stun, close the door, and take another nap. This is exhausting.

Day 5: Are we still doing this?

Day 6: Consider folding the laundry teetering in a basket on the top of the dryer.

Day 7: It’s not like Home and Garden magazine is coming to photograph your house any time soon are they? Besides, don’t they use artistic filters? Maybe the dust gives the house a nice, soft look.

Day 8: What’s the big deal about Spring Cleaning?

Day 9: Just let me catch up on what’s going on in the Gwyneth Paltrow trial.

Day 10: Huzzah! Mission accomplished! I have avoided signing up for emails that are just going to make me feel guilty and inadequate. Hey! Do you think I can get Ron DeSantis to outlaw these kind of articles?

Happy Indictment Day, to all who celebrate!