No, I Do Not Want Your Stinking App

My toothbrush should not know what goes on in the rest of the house

So, I went into to our local chain hardware/gardening/stuff store to get some new batteries for my car key fob. When I was checking out, the cashier asked for my loyalty rewards card, which has seen better days. When she couldn’t get it to scan, she suggested that I add their store app to my phone, which I might have been slightly rude in refusing.

After I apologized for being rude in not wanting their stinking app, we finished our transaction and I went on my way.

Does anyone else think this whole app-for-everything clusterf**k is getting just a little out of hand?

I have a hip and trendy electric toothbrush that sends me replacement heads everything months and Oh boy oh boy, I could REPLACE my it works just fine standard model with a wifi enabled model that would monitor my brushing habits.

Just.
NO.

This will not be coming to a bathroom sink near me:

Me: Time to brush my teeth…
My ToothBrush: Did you floss?
Me: Say what?
MTB: Did. You. Floss?
Me: What business is it of yours if I flossed or not?
MTB: Just saying…your water pic thinks you’ve been slacking off.
ME: ARE YOU AND THE WATER PIC TALKING BEHIND MY BACK?
MTB: Well, you know, they are kind of a gossip, if you want to know the truth.
Me: At least you aren’t in the same room with the wifi enabled refrigerator!*
MTB: Um…
Me: It is never a good thing when your toothbrush says “Um…”
MTB: well, the Roomba came in all in a tizzy the other day. It seems that you left some leftovers behind the yogurt and they’re getting a little ripe.
Me: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!
MTB: you don’t have to get all hormonal on me! I’m only trying to help.
Me: I don’t have time for this.
MTB: Oh, and your mother called.

*I do NOT have a wifi enabled refrigerator

Where does it all end?

It’s true that I spend entirely too much time staring at my phone. But over the last year, I’ve been trying to minimize my phone time. I removed the Facebook app from my phone several years ago, when it insisted that if I wanted to be able to send messages through its bespoke messaging service, I would have to add the app which wanted access to ALL my contacts and access to who knows what else. So I deleted the whole thing and only look at Facebook through my desktop computer in my web browser which is such an annoying way to experience Facebook, I rarely stay on for more than 20 minutes!

Success!!!!

In an attempt to spend less time rage scrolling on Twitter, I removed the app to force myself to use the web browser on my phone. That worked pretty well until 2 weeks ago when I quit Twitter entirely. Huzzah! Buh Bye, Elmo! Okay, okay, I DID join Mastodon, and Spoutible, but not having quite the social networks that I had on Twitter, I don’t feel compelled to yell at people and tell them how stupid they are, I spend much less time there and people are nicer and it’s a much more pleasant experience all around.

One last technology is trying to kill me story:

I was attempting to order a few things on Amazon yesterday because I needed to order a few copies of my new book DID I MENTION I HAVE A NEW PANDA CHRONICLES BOOK COLLECTION?!?!?!?!

Ahem…anyway, I got through the picking things out process and was ready to check out and the site asked me if I wanted to join Amazon Prime. No, thank you, I do not. So I clicked on the button that said “No Thanks” AND IT TOOK ME TO A PAGE THAT HAD A PICTURE OF A CUTE PUPPY AND A MESSAGE, “WE’RE SORRY THIS PAGE DOES NOT EXIST”

I huffed a little in annoyance and went back a page and tried again.

Same result.

I tried again.

Same thing.

I went back to my cart and clicked the “complete your purchase button”

Same result.

It took me 5 or more tries, before I could get it to accept that I. Did. Not. Want. Amazon. Prime. ThankYouVeryMuch!!!!

So…about that Panda Chronicles book….

Book 10 of The Panda Chronicles: Litter Box of Chaos is the collection of most of my political themed ‘toons that I’ve made since 2018. Why is it called “Litter Box of Chaos”? Because the stand in for TFG is a very unsavory, deranged cat named Mittens and Mittens is the most evil cat you can imagine. Ironically, considering this diatribe about trying to order stuff on Amazon, the only place you can find this book IS on Amazon. Again, here is the link.

And here is the stylish cover (with pandas!)

See ya later! I think I hear my toothbrush calling me!